And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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