i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
