my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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