Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
