Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
