I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
