I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
