My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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