FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
