I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
