I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
