Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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