I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
