You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
