Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
