Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
