dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
