all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
