Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
