I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
