He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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