tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i've created a new STD.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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