I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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