You can't motorboat a personality
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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