I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
