My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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