great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
