your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
