Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
