Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
