So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
