she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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