Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
