If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
