apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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