Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
