that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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