I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
