im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she pinky promised me she was 18
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
