she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
