I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
