woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
