come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
