I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
