You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
