Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
