do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
