the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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