you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
