I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
