I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
