get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
