I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
