So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
