I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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