laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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