just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
