six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
