highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
