and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
