I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just cropdusted the office
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
