I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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