some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
