Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im part way to drunk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
