He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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