Having a random hookup so left but love u
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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