i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
