The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
