I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
