martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
