I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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