then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
