You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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