My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
