i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I AM VODKA MAN
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
