you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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