So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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