True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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