I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize