so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
