I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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