Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
