also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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